Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?

A: Neither has real roots.

Q: How do you call a one-sided nudie bar?

A: A Mobius strip club.

Q: How does a math professor propose to his fiancée?

A: With a polynomial ring!

Q: What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?

A: Snappy answers.

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: What is the most erotic number?

A: 2110593!

Q: Why?

A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3.

Q: What is a proof?

A: One-half percent of alcohol.

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?

A: A middle school math problem! (HAHA) :P

Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?

A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?

A: Mobius Dick.

Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?

A: A large pizza can feed a family of four

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?

A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'

OK a last one....

A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?" "Of course not, dear - I love you much more!" Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!" Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero...." :D

comment any other you know!

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## Comments

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TopNewestThe head of the Department of Mathematics was asked to conduct the Induction Ceremony for the incoming class of Freshman. He replied "But I already did it last year".

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few more....

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One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:

"I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don't like educated people."

So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got "minus pi r squared".

He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:

"Switch the limits of the integral!"

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hahahahaha

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@Rajdeep Dhingra check out this joke^^

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:p

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i remember this

Q how can one use maths to put another on fire

Ans) diff. log(fire) w.r.t fire..u get one upon fire

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:P

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Q: If you have six apples in one hand and seven in another, what do you have? A:Very large hands

Q: If you drop an egg on a concrete floor, will it crack? A: No, it is very hard to crack on concrete floor :)

Q: If Bob has 300 chocolate bars and eats 299 chocolate bars, what does he have? A: Diabetes [sorry if this offended anyone]

Dear Math,

I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.

Q: sin(gerine)/cos(gerine)? A: Tangerine

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one will ask what the heck is wrong with you.

Teacher: I couldn't decide how to grade my students, so I gave them all the average grade.

Teacher 2: That doesn't seem fair.

Teacher: I know. It is the meanest mean.

You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.

Calculator? Why not calcuNOW?

Final joke:

So, Pi gets a call from his mom. His mom yells, "Get over here 3.14159265...!" Pi turns to his friend, the square root of -1. "Sorry, I've got to go. My mom only uses my full name when I'm in real trouble."

Sorry these aren't all math jokes :)

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Q: What did the Governor of Texas do when he was asked to commute the death sentences of two different inmates?

A: He reversed the the dates of their execution.

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Are you sure the Governor of Texas knows how to commute?

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Well, I'm sure he knows of LIE algebras.

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nice stuff!just keep posting

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Here is another one.. Once a man ..cheapstake, always hurried and mad fr maths ..once went to a restaurant fr breakfast....Seeing him the waiter was shocked ...He was eating unsalted finger chips..pretending that he is eating with tomato sauce.....which was nt there..

On asking he said,"For the sake of proving that I am having my breakfast ,I 've assumed the presence of sauce ,as such reducing time and further complications into a general quick algorithm

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:D

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Q: Why did the vector cross the road?

A: It wanted to be normal.

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great stuff! keep posting them (thumbs up)

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Then what about B

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I guess that a PhD in Theoretical Mathematics has a salary in theory. It's just a standing joke that a pure mathematician whose works don't have any direct economic impact is going to have trouble finding organizations willing to pay for his time.

As a matter of fact, some of the finest works in mathematics were unpaid efforts.

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Great ones!

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thanks!

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Here's another one: Why is 6 afraid of 7 because 7 8 9 (seven ate nine)

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