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Mathematics jokes!

How do you prove in three steps that a sheet of paper is a lazy dog?

  1. A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
  2. An inclined plane is a slope up.
  3. A slow pup is a lazy dog.

Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.

A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

How many mathematical logicians does it take to replace a lightbulb? None: They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done.

comment any other jokes you know!

math is fun

Note by Aman Gautam
3 years ago

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Math and Science jokes. Let me know if you like them! Some are original, others are not.

1.) Why is a set always excited? ... It can't contain itself.

2.) What's the integral of 1/cabin ? ... Obvious. Its a natural log cabin.No you fool! You forgot the C! (sea)

3.) I tried to look up 'vertical slope' in the dictionary ... but it was undefined.

4.) A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."

5.) A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

6.) The B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

7.) What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.

8.) Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."

9.) The calculus professor gave his two weeks' notice. "Please reconsider," said the Dean, "You're an integral part of our department."

10.) Get out, or I'll differentiate you until you're zero!

"No, for I am e^x!"

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! In that case, I am no longer differentiating with respect to x. The gloves are off. I AM DERIVING WITH RESPECT TO t !!!!


11.) What happened when the mosquito bit the mountain climber? Nothing. A vector cannot cross a scaler.

12.) When you have a problem, add water. Then you have a solution.

13.) Seals are just neutral sea lions since they lost their ions

14.) A neutron walks into a bar, and wants to know how much he must pay for his drink.

"For you," the bartender says, "no charge."

15.) The bartender asks: "What would you like?"A tachyon walks into a bar.

16.) My friend asked me to get him a taxicab. I get out a piece of paper, write "1729" on it, and hand it to him.

17.) Pi Day is ok, but we should really celebrate i day. The celebrations would be unreal.

18.) Three statisticians went deer hunting. They spied a deer in the woods. The first statistician shot, and missed the deer by being a foot too far to the left. The second statistician shot, and missed the deer by being a foot too far to the right. The third cried, “We hit it!”

19.) Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

20.) A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were arguing about what type of engineer God was. The mechanical engineer says: "Obviously, God is a mechanical engineer; just look at how the skeleton supports the body!" The electrical engineer shoots back: "No, God is an electrical engineer! The nerves in the body are the greatest system of circuits known to man!". Finally, the civil engineer says: "You are both idiots. God is clearly a civil engineer, for who else would put the sewage system next to the entertainment district!".

21.) Why was the y value in the many to one function unhappy? Because he had so many x'es.

22.) What is your favorite number? Well, I really like 371 ... then I scream a him "NARCISSISTIC FOOL!" and walk away.

23.) Werner Heisenberg was stopped for speeding on the Autobahn. The police officer asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "Now I do, but I don't know where I am anymore!"

24.) Schroedinger was also stopped for speeding later on the same road. The officer opened his trunk and said, "Do you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" and Schroedinger says, "Well, I do now!"

25.) Along the same road sped Einstein. He was stopped for speeding. The officer asked, "Did you realize that you went above the speed limit?" Einstein looked at him, and asked what the speed limit was. "Well, 100 kilometers an hour." Einstein then replies, "Well not in my universe!" and then proceeds to accelerate to 97% the speed of light just to prove the officer wrong. "In your face officer! 100 kilometers an hour you said! Try 290798.68426 kilometers a second fool!" says Einstein as he drives peacefully onward.

26.) Tomorrow, Einstein went over the speed limit again. "Sorry, officer," he said, "I thought the red light was green due to the Doppler effect."

27.) Officer then says, "Yeah right, the guy I pulled over before you was yammering about there being microcosmic black holes that took in green photons and then turned into a white hole, only to eject those same photons when the light was red. I've heard it all pal, and this time your going to the slammer."

28.) Dear algebra, please stop asking us to find your X she's never coming back and don't ask Y

29.) I'm really jealous of 28, he's so perfect.

30.) Tell that to 6, I hear he is just as perfect.

31.) I have decided to acquiesce to your request to be the 220 to your 284.

"And friendly we will be forevermore."

32.) Why are we even friends? Even now you derive me crazy.

33.) d/dx (^u^) = (^/^) ; d/dx (^/^) = (^_^)

34.) My son is so stupid. The other day he claimed to have added up an infinite amount of fractions for crying out loud! I mean, that would take an infinite amount of time!!!!

35.) (x+1)^2 ... Time for me to rule the linear world! I am of a higher power! => x^2 + 2x + 1 ... Drats! FOILED again!!!!

36.) What is your sine? It must be pi over 2, cause you're the one.

37.) Mother, father, wish me luck. I am off... to do the impossible.

"What Timmy?"

Today is the day that I... I... I will divide by 0!


Too late. Suddenly Timmy never existed.

38.) "You know what they say, opposites attract." said the electron to the other electron when a proton walked in the bar. Seth Lovelace · 3 years ago

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@Seth Lovelace Well, the internet said "M.A.T.H." is now "Mental Abuse To Humans". Didn't that go well? Here's another one.

"A man said 'I'll have H2O.' Another man sat with him and said, 'I'll have H2O too'. A moment later, they drank at the same time. The second man died. Heh. Jeremy Bansil · 3 years ago

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@Seth Lovelace I didn't get 29.) and 30.) ?? Upanshu Gupta · 3 years ago

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@Upanshu Gupta 6 and 28 are perfect numbers (meaning that the sum of their proper divisors is itself) Joel Tan · 3 years ago

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@Joel Tan Could you please demonstrate here how its done? Les Narvasa · 2 years, 12 months ago

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@Seth Lovelace What are 16 and 22? Trevor Arashiro · 3 years ago

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@Trevor Arashiro 16 is a troll on the famous Ramanujan-Hardy number. 371 Is known as Narcissistic number because it is equal to sum of cubes of each of its digit :D Sanjana Nedunchezian · 3 years ago

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@Sanjana Nedunchezian wow. You have to try really hard to understand these jokes XD Trevor Arashiro · 3 years ago

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@Trevor Arashiro 1729-ramanujan number i guess Aritra Jana · 3 years ago

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Without geometry, life would have no point. Sharky Kesa · 3 years ago

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What's the formula for the area of circle?

\(\pi r^{2}\).

No, pies are circle, not square!

From my math teacher. XD Samuraiwarm Tsunayoshi · 3 years ago

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@Samuraiwarm Tsunayoshi haha! nice one... Aman Gautam · 3 years ago

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The logician's wife had just given birth. His brother asks him, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says yes. Highry Tan · 3 years ago

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@Highry Tan Priceless... simply priceless... Andy Wu · 1 year ago

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First student: What happened to the plant in the math room? Second student: It... died? First student: No, it grew square roots!

A fire broke out in a dustbin in a labratory. A chemist runs up to the dustbin, identifies the substance burning, and rushes back to try and find a substance to neutralise the fire. A physicist rushed to the dustbin, calculates the heat energy produced by the fire, and tells the chemist: Don't worry, the fire will burn itself out in 7.64 minutes. A statistician gets up, and sets fire to all the dustbins in the lab. The physicist and chemist ask the statistician what he is up to. The statistician replies: We need a larger sample size.

There are three kinds of people, one that can count and another that can't.

76.604% of all statistics are made up. 4.306% are wrong. ZhiJie Goh · 3 years ago

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This reminds me of a scene in Big Bang Theory. Calvin Lin Staff · 3 years ago

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@Calvin Lin LOL @Calvin Lin ....nice, i have seen it like..many times and it still gives me a laugh... Abhineet Nayyar · 3 years ago

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Lol...... :'D Ram Gautam · 3 years ago

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Please keep on posting such jokes!!I like them. Adhiraj Mandal · 3 years ago

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@Adhiraj Mandal another one...! https://brilliant.org/discussions/thread/mathematics-jokes-2/?ref_id=406093 Aman Gautam · 3 years ago

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Nice Jokes, hope to see some more soon :) Agnishom Chattopadhyay · 3 years ago

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@Agnishom Chattopadhyay sure! check this out : https://brilliant.org/discussions/thread/mathematics-jokes-2/?ref_id=406093 Aman Gautam · 3 years ago

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perpendicular lines- kabhi late kar hilaya hai ?

Brilliant Member · 1 year ago

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