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# Physics Jokes

The purpose of this note is to gather as many jokes as possible that is related to physics!The person with the most up voted physics jokes wins and becomes one of the delegates to be an awesome character in my feature problems!Have fun!

Note by Mardokay Mosazghi
3 years, 4 months ago

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- 3 years, 4 months ago

its challenging ! great mind of Indian electrician

- 3 years, 4 months ago

I don't get the funny part of it.

- 3 years, 2 months ago

to find what?

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Charge and energy will remain conserved. This is what kirchoff would say

- 3 years ago

Good one, from where you found this out.

- 2 years, 10 months ago

a challenging one!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Hehe can u apply loop rule in it.....

- 3 years, 4 months ago

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Staff - 3 years, 4 months ago

Nice one!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

HAHAHA!!!!

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Great

- 3 years, 3 months ago

alt text

- 3 years, 4 months ago

HAHAHAHA Wow nice one

- 3 years, 2 months ago

i wish i could upvote this multiple times, good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Thanks

- 3 years, 4 months ago

I didn't get the other jokes, but this I did. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Good one Abdulmuttalib

- 1 year, 6 months ago

HAHAHAAAH!!!!!

- 1 year, 10 months ago

• Joke 1: First Physics Law of Cartoons: Gravity will not work 'till you look down.
• Joke 2: Physics would've been much easier if a "tree" had fallen on Newton's head instead of the "apple".
• Joke 3: Physics ['fiziks] (n: functioning as singular): 1. (Physics/General Physics) the branch of science concerned with extremely long and complicated formulas to describe how a ball rolls.
• Joke 4: If it's green and wriggles it's biology. If it stinks it's chemistry. If it doesn't work it's physics.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

godlike joke~lol~

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Newton discovered gravitation when a apple fall on his head. Why didn't he discovered it when he was pissing. was it going in the air.

- 4 months, 3 weeks ago

2 nd joke is really funny :) LoL

- 2 years, 10 months ago

ok we understanding these problems with great attention

- 3 years, 4 months ago

All the physicists are playing hide and seek. Einstein is the ‘den’ and stands against the wall with his eyes closed and counts till 100 to enable all the physicists to run and hide. At the count of 100 Einstein turns around and finds Newton standing there. He screams, “Newton, you are out!” Newton says, “No, I ‘m not!” Einstein says, “Yes, you are. I can see you here in front of me”. Newton says, “I’m not out. Pascal is.” Einstein is a bit confused and starts to scratch his head and beard. Newton says “Here, Let me explain” He draws a square one meter by one meter on the floor and stands in the middle of it and says, “Newton per meter square is a Pascal, so it’s Pascal who’s out not me”

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Great one !!

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Great!!!

- 2 years, 11 months ago

Khatttakkkkk

- 3 years, 3 months ago

n1 bro..

- 3 years ago

A helium atom walked into the bar. The bartender says "We don't serve helium atoms here". It didn't react.

The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve neutrinos here". A neutrino walks into a bar.

Two chemists walk into a bar. One orders $$H_2O$$. The second orders some $$H_2O$$ too. The second chemist dies.

Never trust an atom--they make up everything!

Heisenberg was stopped for speeding in a highway. The police officer asks "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied "No, but I know where I am."

I'd tell you some more chemistry and other misc. science jokes, but I'm afraid all the good ones argon. $$\ddot\frown$$

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Here is a variation of 5: Heisenberg and Schrodinger were riding together down the highway. They got pulled over for speeding and the police officer asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied "No, but I know where I was." Thinking this to be an odd answer, the police asked them to open the trunk. He found a dead cat inside. He asked "Did you know that you have a dead cat in the trunk?" To which Schrodinger replied "I do now."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

The argon one was the most hilarious

- 3 years, 4 months ago

They are from Quora, I think. I got 'em from Quora. Nice jokes!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Those totally cracked me up esp. #2

- 3 years, 4 months ago

I love the Heisenberg's one!!!

- 1 year, 7 months ago

HAHAHAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! The third, fourth and last jokes are especially funny!!! Your post deserves an upvote, a like and a reshare! Hahaha!!! Encore!!!!

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Nice ones I like the first the most!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"

- 3 years, 4 months ago

First class!

- 1 year, 8 months ago

Story of Newton's laws:- A cow was walking ... NEWTON stopped it .. it stopped walking.... He found his 1st law that "An object continues to move unless it is stopped..." He gave a force by kicking the cow ... It gave a sound "MA" ... He found 2nd law of motion "F=MA" After that cow gave a kick to Newton ,then he found 3rd law of motion.... "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction"...... This is the original story.....!!! :D

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Newton's 4th Law: Loose motion cant come in slow motion :)

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Good!!!

- 2 years, 11 months ago

Two cats stand on a roof. Which one falls off first?

The one with the smaller mu

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Comment deleted Jun 01, 2014

I think Michael's joke is the same as the one you stated...

- 3 years, 4 months ago

yeah sorry

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Sliding seems less violent than falling.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Well my reason is justified thanks @Justin Wong

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Heisenberg: i am not certain if what i am telling you is a funny joke or not, can we know?

Kurt Gudel: no, because we are inside it

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Haha, that's a nice one I have never heard about before. Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and Godel Incompleteness Theorem (cool names) both play a part in it nicely $$\ddot\smile$$

- 3 years, 4 months ago

I agree

- 3 years, 4 months ago

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Ha! Good one!

- 1 year, 2 months ago

Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?

OMg!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Did you know Oxygen went on a date with Potassium? It was OK.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Sulfur, Tungsten and Silver became best friends. #SWAG

- 3 years, 4 months ago

D'you know who was created by mixing Sulfur, Astatine, Vanadium, Iodine, and Potassium?? Don't try @Sharky Kesa your name can't be coded :D

- 3 years, 4 months ago

And then there was another Potassium atom ruining the party. $$K_{2}O$$ and that's what it's actually supposed to be.

Reminds me of all those cheesy TV drama series which I always get a good laugh at. :D

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Lol. But technically it's MgO (magnesium oxide)

- 3 years, 3 months ago

You ruined it! (weep)

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Haha. :D But this is still a good joke!

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Ha nice one.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Physics plus word play! Yea!

- 1 year, 2 months ago

My physics professor told me I had a lot of potential..... and pushed me off the floor

- 3 years, 4 months ago

More of a math joke: Square root of -1 and pi are in an argument. Frustrated, square root of -1 tells pi to "Be rational!". Pi responds "Get real!"

- 3 years, 4 months ago

You can buy these T shirts on amazon...

- 1 year, 6 months ago

Student's law of tention . . . . Pressure is inversely proportional to the number of days left for the exam Where “i will start my studies for the exam from tomorrow" remains constant

- 3 years, 4 months ago

very true...

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Three mathematicians and three physicists are travelling by train to a conference. The physicists each buy a ticket, but the mathematicians buy only one between the three of them. The mathematicians hide in the toilet when the ticket collector arrives, and hand the ticket to him through the door. On the return journey, the physicists decide to play the same trick and buy only one ticket between the three of them. The mathematicians don't buy any tickets this time. When the physicists are hiding in the toilet, one of the mathematicians knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"

The moral of the story is that physicists use mathematicians' ideas, but they don't understand the principles behind them.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

in that case I tend to be a mathematician

- 3 years, 4 months ago

This isn't really Physics but,

A logician's wife is having a baby. The wife asks if it was a boy or girl. The logician says "Yes".

- 3 years, 4 months ago

He he

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip ?

To get to the same side !!!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks : how much for a drink ?

The bartender says .. For you , no charge !

- 3 years, 4 months ago

BBT!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Its not from BBT ! ......

. . . . .

Bazinga!!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Ha, i just came up with this now

Girl you are at a high potential today

I must have worked you

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Nice one!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Q:What do you get when you mix 2 iron atoms & cobalt?

A:CoFFee!!!!

Q:Why did a scientist install a door knocker?

A:coz he wanted to win a no-bell prize!!!!!!!!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

here's another version: What do you get after reaction of two sodium atoms with a Barium atom...A BaNaNa

- 3 years, 4 months ago

good one.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Atom 1: I just lost an electron.
Atom 2: Are you sure?
Atom 1: I'm positive.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

An atom which becomes positive is no longer an atom. :)

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Excuse me, but I'm really attracted to you and according to Newton's law of gravitational, you're attracted to me, too.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

i should tell this to my crush. Hope I don't get a high velocity assault!!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

To start you off, A little boy refused to run anymore. When his mother asked him why, he replied, "I heard that the faster you go, the shorter you become."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Physicists are made up of atoms. A physicist is an attempt of atoms to understand themselves

- 3 years, 4 months ago

this is a quote by Michio Kaku Japanese-American theoretical physicist

- 1 year, 9 months ago

A photon walks into a hotel. The porter asks, "May I take your bags?" The photon replies "It's fine, thanks. I'm travelling light."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

A Higgs-Boson particle walks into a church. The priest says "How dare you come in here! You are not allowed! You call yourself the God Particle! That is sacrilegious." The Higgs-Boson particle says "If you don't allow me, how will you have mass!"

- 3 years, 4 months ago

What do physicist enjoy doing the most at sporting events? The wave!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

HA Ha Funny one

- 3 years, 4 months ago

There is a boy running really fast while doing his homework , his mother asked why are you running while holding a book and he said I heard that times slows down the faster you go so more time for homework

- 3 years, 3 months ago

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one asks for one pint. The second one asks for half a pint. The third one asks for a quarter of a pint. The fourth one asks for an eighth of a pint. This keeps on happening. Frustrated, the bartender hands them two pints and says "You mathematicians, you just don't know your limit."

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Richard Feynman, while having dinner with friends at Chinatown, was once goaded by a shell game con man to play for a chance to win. He let the con man cleverly shuffle around his shells, and then when he was asked to guess where the pea was, Feynman said, "Well, what I do know is where the pea is not. It is not under this shell and it's not under that shell. Am I right?" The con man had to let Feynman win his bet.

- 2 years, 10 months ago

How was Heisenberg "certain" that he had developed the correct "Uncertainity" Principle

- 3 years, 2 months ago

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

another version-Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Did you know you were going at 80mph in a 30mph zone? Heisenberg says "Dammit! Now I'm lost!"

- 3 years, 3 months ago

ha ha... Poor Heisenberg

- 3 years, 3 months ago

• A physicist and a mathematician are stranded on an island. There are two coconut trees on the island. The physicist claims one as his own and the mathematician does the same. After a while, the physicist starts feeling hungry. He looks at his tree and sees a coconut there. So, he measures the elevation of the top of the tree and after having pulled out his Vernier Calipers, he measures pieces of wood, determines the Young's modulus, cuts them to the right length and uses them to create a structure which enables him to reach the coconut.
• Now, the mathematician who was watching the physicist, feels hungry. He looks up at his tree and notices a coconut too. Then he takes one hour to climb up the tree, takes the coconut, comes down in fifteen minutes, goes to the physicist's tree, climbs it in another hour, comes down in fifteen minutes and asks the physicist to help him, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

An antiparticle exits into a bar.

- 1 year, 9 months ago

dispraptor/timeraptor= Velociraptor

- 3 years, 3 months ago

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Bazzingaa...!!!

- 3 years, 3 months ago

In heaven all greats of science are playing hide and seek.Einstein was supposed to find them.newton stood in an area of 1square meter.Einstein found him and shouted I found. You newton. Newton said I'm not newton I'm pascal.....

- 3 years, 4 months ago

I'm trying to think of a prime example of a math joke, but apart from two all of them are pretty odd. Are we a probability density function? Because no matter how far we're spread out we always seem to be one. I hope you don't find quantum mechanics too Bohring. I guess I'll stop now because your head probably Hertz from the frequency of my puns.

- 5 months ago

Two atoms are walking together. One of the atoms starts panicking. "I think I lost an electron!" He cried. "Are you sure?" Said the other. "Yes! I'm positive!"

- 1 year, 10 months ago

Q: Which weapon is made up of potassium, nickel and iron?

A: KNiFe.

Q: Which is the most acidic object in your house?

A: pHone.

- 1 year, 10 months ago

After years of research on flying patterns, a physicist found the difference between a mosquito and a fly. A fly could fly, but a mosquito could not mosquito. Heard of a physicist who proved that a bumblebee cannot fly. He missed the Nobel.

- 2 years, 10 months ago

Why did Heisenberg lost his car key? Because he knows to much about its momentum.

And...

Schrödinger was at the airport getting his stuff being checked by the airport officer.

Officer : Sir, do you know that you're bringing a dead cat? Schrödinger: Oh shoot! Why would you guys have to look at it.

- 3 years, 1 month ago

What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium

- 3 years, 2 months ago

Which cat fell off the roof first?

The one with the smallest mu!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?

Let me atom.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG

- 3 years, 4 months ago

It's not a physics joke but $|\ce{C_2 N_2}| \rightarrow \text{cyanogen mod}$

- 1 year, 2 months ago

Relativity redefined: When you playing your favorite game, an hour seems like a second. but when you are getting scolded a second seems like an hour. That's RELATIVITY!!!!!!!

- 3 years ago

Scientist 1: You're too dense. Scientist 2:Aren't we all?

Einstien on Heisenberg's Principle : My God Does Not Play With DICE

- 3 years, 2 months ago

Just a silly question how to post a picture..??

- 3 years, 4 months ago

! [anything] (URL link of the picture)

- 3 years, 1 month ago

wait it doesnot work

- 3 years, 1 month ago

Don't space in-between; and [anything] means you can insert whatever. It's rather a guide for yourself.

For example: ! [epic] (https://d18l82el6cdm1i.cloudfront.net/solvable/d55e6c8537.20beed61f5.8YrNUy.jpg)

yields

epic

oh and please don't mention any Naruto content past Hashirama's and Madara's story in June. I haven't watched it over the summer. And I do not read manga.

Thanks

- 3 years, 1 month ago

ok lol you have a long way to go

Physics

- 3 years, 1 month ago

Comment deleted Oct 22, 2014

WITHOUT SPACING

- 3 years, 1 month ago

4th law of motion: Loose motion can not be done in slow motion.

- 2 months, 2 weeks ago

- 1 year, 2 months ago

This is something like a stressbuster... Me: Why did the chicken cross the road? Public: Don't know. Tell us. Me: Oh! I was hoping one of you would know!!!!!

- 3 years ago

Q. what do we get when we cross between ampere(andre marie) and ohm(george simon). A. volt(alessandro volta) V= I* R

- 3 years, 1 month ago

Its problem of relative motion

- 3 years, 4 months ago

upside down!

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Heard of that Physicist who proved that a bumblebee cannot fly.

- 2 years, 10 months ago

Why was Heisenberg bad at relationships ?!? . . . Coz wen he got d position ryt he didn't get d momentum And wen he got d momentum ryt, he didn't get d position.. xD :-P

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Why was Heisenberg bad at relationships??!? .... . . . . Coz wen he got d position right, he didn't get d momentum. And wen he got d momentum ryt he didn't get d position..xD ;-) :-P

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Do you know why Heisenberg's wife was never satisfied with him ??? .

..

Because When he held the position he did not have the velocity. And

when he had had the time he did not have the energy.

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Q What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

A From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

Q Why can't you trust an atom?

A They make up everything.

Q Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?

A Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Q: How ugly is your mom?(Just a joke)

A: Even Fluorine won't bind to her!

Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?

A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

Newtons 5th Law: "performance of the boys in the exams decreases when the number of girls in the exam hall increases"

A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, but the preacher says "Get out of here, you are a disgrace; you call yourself the ‘God particle' when there is only one true God!" The Higgs Boson replies "Well if I am not here, how can you have mass?"

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician? If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out. If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out. If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other says, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Hey, you got those of that website!

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Which website

- 3 years, 1 month ago

Comment deleted Jun 28, 2014

I didn't know you had a brother.

- 3 years, 3 months ago

- 3 years, 3 months ago

I see. Wait, are you saying your brother isn't creative?

- 3 years, 3 months ago

nuh

- 3 years, 3 months ago

Hi big brother, and thanks @Sharky Kesa. Yes I did get it off a website I thought they would be funny.

- 3 years, 3 months ago

If friction is independent of velocity, then can anybody explain me why is a matchstick struck fast (means with high velocity) onto the side of the matchbox to light the matchstick?

- 3 years, 4 months ago

because when time is more then the same heat produced by the chemical reaction b/w the stick and the matchbox grains due to friction dissipates and is not enough to ignite the stick. If the same heat is produced in less time by stricking it fast then the heat is sufficient to ignite before it dissipates.

- 3 years, 2 months ago

may OUR HAPPINESS becomes a black hole so that it cant escape from us forever...............

- 3 years, 4 months ago

May God , bounds our friends with GRAVITATIONAL force and our enemies with COLOUMBS repulsion force......

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Dinosaur is falling freely because of gravity,its postion is vertical because of friction by air

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Integral and Calculus in love, but suddenly Calculus request for a break up. Integral said, "But why?" Calculus answered, "We don't have CHEMISTRY on us."

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Comment deleted Jan 26, 2016

How is that a joke? its more of an analogy

- 3 years, 2 months ago

I don't get it

- 3 years, 2 months ago

What we learn in "physical educations" will make us good at Physics, won't them?

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Physics is fun, not a 'joke'.

- 3 years, 4 months ago

Quantum physicists are weak in sex!Because if they have the right position, then didn't have momentum. And if they have the momentum, then don't know where to use! #lol

- 3 years, 4 months ago